Heather Honey Giveaway


Have I told you about how I'm totally obsessed with Heathers? I love Heathers the movie. I love Heathers the Musical. I saw it twice, I'm so obsessed. I even unwittingly made the title card font one of my blog layout's main fonts. Whoops.

If you haven't seen this 1988 Winona Ryder / Christian Slater masterpiece, get on Netflix and go, go go! It's Mean Girls if Mean Girls was a dark, angsty, black comedy about murder, psychopathy, good vs evil, and teen angst. And the Musical is even better (in my opinion anyway. Really intelligent changes to the story-telling.) I hear a movie musical is in the works and I could not be more pleased.

Heather Macnamara, Heather Chandler, and Heather Duke in Heathers The Musical
This Halloween, one of my two Halloween Costumes taking me through Halloweekend is The Queen Bee, Heather Chandler. I kind of think I nailed it. I wish I had a Heather Mac and Heather Duke, but unfortunately, I do not live in an ideal world where everyone cares as much about Halloween and/or musicals based on movies that make me think a psychopathic Christian Slater is a total dream. Totally not one to romanticize a murderer, but let's be real, Christian Slater was a total hottie in '88, and I dig his character's dissatisfaction with the system. You know, just up until the point of murder.


How's my Heather Chandler bitch-face?

I had a ton of fun putting this outfit together. I might step up my shoes and skirt if I find something cuter. I also really want a rad collar brooch like in the musical. I was really torn between doing a Heather or Veronica (the main character, played by Winona Ryder), but when I was at the Thrift Store this blazer was dying to be bought. Here's a full body shot, minus the black flats. I really like costumes that can be incorporated into my wardrobe. I like to think of it as an excuse to expand my wardrobe. It's also fun for me to pick characters whose outfits I can interpret my own way.


white button-down - traded from a friend
collar chains - c/o Born Pretty Store
red cropped blazer - thrifted
black skirt with tulle - thrifted
red tights - LOFT (similar)
hair ribbon - gift (actually, the wrapping of a gift)


Anyway, it's giveaway time! I made a set of 6 Heathers bracelets. The three Heathers, plus Veronica, JD, and Martha Dunstock. Enter below for your chance to win!


a Rafflecopter giveaway


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Why I Left The HCBN

I've been involved with Her Campus throughout the years, and when they launched their blogger network, it seemed like an obvious choice to join up. They afforded me a lot of opportunities and I made a lot of great friends.

However, it wasn't long before the costs outweighed the benefits. There were a lot of things that led to my leaving the network, but what I'm here to talk about are the ones that not just made the network a poor fit for me, but that actually grated on me personally and created a situation where I could not, in good conscience, continue working in the network. I might burn a bridge or two by posting this, but it's nothing I don't think they set torch to first. I'm posting this because I'm not going to let go of the way they treated some of their bloggers, myself included.

The biggest reason I left the network was the culture of silence. Conflicts tend to arise within a group of 500+ individual, free thinking people. These conflicts were almost never mediated by moderators and instead were shut down, and whomever seemed the "angriest" was deemed wrong. There was no trying to see both sides. There was just "the polite girls" and "the girls ganging up on her" for not immediately siding with the polite one.

There is a difference between being "polite" and being "good" or "right" which is something the network had a hard time understanding. There were misunderstandings for which no one was to blame, and there were conflicts that arose from passive-aggressiveness, or even straight up criminality where the girls who didn't speak sweetly were villified and the other girl painted as the damsel in distress. Instead of actually trying to resolve the conflict, most of the mods and community members resorted to pointing fingers at "the bitch" and declaring that she was "ruining the community."

Silence ruins communities. Making girls afraid to speak ruins communities. 

The HCBN criminalized anger and criticism. Girls who had every right to be angry were told that they were disturbing the peace, and that they should keep their opinions to themselves if they didn't match that of the rest of the community.

At one point, I called another blogger out for stealing content of other bloggers. She was stealing images, not linking back properly, and not getting permission. She was doing something illegal. Her counter basically amounted to "if no one catches me, and they haven't yet, I must not actually be doing anything wrong." I tried to impress upon her the gravity of the situation. I busted out blog posts and legal pages, citing how badly she had been mistaken. It was like saying shoplifting isn't illegal if you never get caught. Suddenly, girls were telling me to back off and leave her alone-- I made her upset. They were telling me I was bullying her-- for telling her not to steal from the rest of us. How on Earth did this happen? I was getting told by other bloggers to let a thief continue stealing, because I was "upsetting" her.

Meanwhile, over facebook message, I received a flood of messages from other bloggers in the network, thanking me for refusing to back down, and for protecting their rights. They told me I was doing the right thing-- yet none of them would come to my aid on the thread. No one else wanted to be labeled a "bitch" for siding with me. I was doing the right thing but it didn't matter-- I wasn't playing nice. I didn't gently suggest she respect other bloggers and the law while offering a smile and a lollipop, so I got put in the doghouse.

The moderators, for the most part, do not understand how to handle conflict. There are a few who do, but they aren't always online-- they can't be-- and it's appalling to me that the HCBN didn't train their moderators in how to mediate a disagreement and even a full-blown fight. The party line is just to pick the person whose voice is raised and say "you're ruining the community" as if conflict is in and of itself outlawed. People delete threads, rather than managing conflict, which leads to hearsay, ultimately leading to a select few people deciding who was most sympathetic, and by default, who was playing the villain. My attempts to mediate conflicts were met with derision, since I didn't default to defending the person who spoke most softly. My attempts to de-escalate situations were deemed as siding with the villain-- most everyone else was content to continue to antagonize her. That's what sounds like "ganging up on someone" to me.

The heads of the network describe the importance of "professionalism" within the network, which is code for "don't make trouble"-- but that's awfully hard when you ask 500+ bloggers to all act and think and feel the same. They have created an environment in which the most active members have no problem turning off their critical thinking skills and just labeling any dissenter as a "community-ruiner"-- It is an absolute tragedy. It's making intelligent women afraid to speak out when they feel like something is wrong.

It's Arthur Miller's The Crucible.

It's easy to make a community seem Stepford-perfect when you have scared anyone who might think differently from speaking out. It's easy to discredit perfectly valid claims if, instead of actually listening to someone, you decide they're not being "nice" enough to be listened to. Any sign of conflict leads to a witch-hunt, and as any one acquainted with Western history knows, it's awfully easy to find a witch when you want to.

I wrote a thoughtful email of resignation explaining why I quit to the heads of the HCBN, and in return I received a cookie-cutter, almost passive-aggressive reply. It was as though they did not hear a thing I said. From friends still in the network, I hear nothing has changed. Some girls claim nothing is wrong, and that's because they happen to naturally fall in line with the expectations set by the network-- for the rest of us, it's not as easy.

I want so much better from the network. It's full of amazing women. It's run by amazing women. It has so much potential, and yet I've seen the community fail time and time again, because even the women who want to mediate conflict get characterized as mean for not immediately siding with a damsel in distress. 

I quit the network because I refused to continue to partner with an organization that was stepping on the dignity of intelligent women, by fostering a community of silence. I had brought up my concerns time and time again, and yet nothing changed. I left because, despite having a small blog, I didn't want to grow it by aligning myself with what I considered to be dystopian thought-police, enforcing "niceness," punishing dissent, and ostracizing outliers.

I'm not going to be intimidated into not expressing my opinions regarding how poorly this was handled. I'm not going to be told to shut my mouth because the people at the top don't like what I have to say-- my experiences in the network were real, and my opinions are valid, and if they don't want to change it while I am in it, maybe I can put pressure on them from the outside to do better for their girls. I'm not of the opinion that I shouldn't say anything if I can't say something nice-- things were not nice for me, nor for the other girls in the network who refused to surrender their critical thought or their voices, despite not falling in line with the norms set by the group.

So that, dear friends, is why I left the HCBN, and I wasn't the only one who left. I've been encouraged by other bloggers, both in and out of the network, to write this post and explain why how the network is being run is not okay with me. I hope either the network changes, or at least some women will avoid joining if the way it is will make them unhappy and will not serve their interests.

Thanks for reading.

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Weekend Links 09.26.2014


Sorry for forgetting weekend links last week! I was in a low spot-- my depression hit me really hard last weekend. I'm thankful it waited until the weekend to get into full swing though-- apart from feeling ill, I was able to function fairly well. I think these things get worse when the seasons change. I'm trying to recover from dealing with the nonsense of last week. It's awful to be so sad you want to sleep through an entire day. But here I am trying to get back into my normal, happy, loving head-space.

How do we create a new generation of young ballerinas who don't get taught body-shame alongside dance? One teacher took on the challenge and has great solutions for teaching ballet without making girls hate their bodies.

This video about an Asian girl with a "White Guy Fetish" is brilliant and turns the exotification of Asians on its head.

An important, short poem that everyone should read.

Obvious to those of us in the Millennial generation, but tell those old timers that you've got the numbers to back it up now: we do, in fact, read the book when we want to watch the movie version.

Lourds Lane talks about the importance of finding your song.

I have adored Moziah Bridges of Mo's Bows since I first saw this stylin' 12 year-old wunderkind on Shark Tank: He now runs a $150k business!

Have you ever thought about the importance of who you're spending your lifetime with?

And a song for the weekend-- which I found because of Selfie.


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Halloween Loveliness in a Box

I love Halloween. By mid-August, I begin having intense urges to watch Hocus Pocus. I begin humming "This Is Halloween" from The Nightmare Before Christmas. With each passing day, my excitement grows.


If I could make it one holiday year-round, it would be Halloween.

So when I stumbled upon this box of amazingness, I had an intense urge to share it with you because, it is that amazing. Created by Evil Supply Co., there is a monthly goodie box (currently no subscriptions available) called Mister Ghost's Highly Enviable Monthly Parcel of Simple Yet Amazing Wonderments. Everything about their naming processes is perfect.


Current theme: Headless Horseman. Check out last month's goodies.



So, I really want this box. It's $20 and it's available til the end of September, or whenever it sells out.

You should also just check out Evil Supply Co. because their stuff is cute and spooky-- aka, my life goals. I'm really digging their Evil Merit Badges like the "Recognized Hero Though Disguise" Merit Badge. I hope there are little evil scouts out there. Or how about this cute time traveller's notebook?

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Harper Watched: Selfie

Welcome to another installment of Harper Watched-- where I view and then review a work of TV, film, or theater. Today I'm talking about ABC's new comedy, Selfie, starring John Cho and Karen Gillan.



Selfie is a modern take on George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion, or as you might be more familiar, My Fair Lady, which is the other title the story is known by. I am extremely excited to see this interpretation of a plot-- updates and reimaginings of classics are one of my favorite things. If you're not familiar with the story, I'll give you a basic overview, but there is an Audrey Hepburn movie-musical version of it that I highly recommend. It's actually considered a "perfect musical" by most.

Here's a rundown of the basic set-up of Pygmalion/My Fair Lady. Eliza Doolittle is a Flower Girl (she sell flowers on the street) of low class and a terrible cockney accent. She's overheard one day by Professor Henry Higgins, a phoneticist and speech therapist, and he's struck by how spectacularly terrible her elocution is. Higgs is of the opinion that the reason why so many members of the lower class can't climb the ladder of success is because they have terrible speech-- which makes it impossible to get better jobs or gain respect in society. Eliza considers this and realizes that she wants to do better for herself-- so she finds Professor Higgins and says she wants to learn to speak "proper English" like a real lady. Higgins was just telling his colleague, Pickering, about how horrible she sounded, and at first, he states he can't give her lessons, because her speech is far too terrible, and besides-- she can't afford lessons. Pickering, being a rich British guy with a good sense of humor and way too much money on his hands decides to pay for her lessons because he wants to see Higgins try to improve her speech enough to pass her off as nobility. Nonsense and tom-foolery ensue, and the work serves as a love story while also taking jabs at the social hierarchy and exploring women's independence and place in the world.

In this modern take, poor speech is replaced with social media addiction, as Eliza Dooley, once an ugly duckling no one wanted, has emerged from high school and forged a path for herself and a narcissistic, instafamous swan. One day, she takes a tumble off her heavily facebook-documented pedestal and begins to realize that her life as an instagram-famous hottie isn't as fulfilling as she thought. "When Siri is the only one who's there for you, it kind of makes you realize that being friended isn't the same as having friends." Still struggling to find her bearings after her fall, she returns to work at the children's pharmaceutical company she is a sales rep for and at a meeting learns about marketing guru Henry Higgs, who saved the company's reputation after they put out a nasal spray that causes Satanic nightmares-- and suddenly she realizes that what she needs is a rebrand. She turns to Henry, a hypercritical kill-joy who is disgusted with today's shallow, self-obsessed culture. He takes on the challenge to make her a better person who can lead a fulfilling life-- the kind that's not measured in likes or faves.

The plot of this is great. I'm a huge fan of this show, not only because it's so relevant, but because it's sympathetic to both Henry and Eliza. Henry's a crotchety loner who looks down on those obsessed with their smartphones. Eliza is shallow and incapable of real human interaction. The story could easily hate on them for their faults. Henry is one of those annoying "Millennial articles" and Eliza is that Millennial. But even within the Pilot, the writers take time to make sure the audience understands that Eliza has sort of lost her way, and is so narcissistic and social media obsessed because it makes her feel valued, and helps her avoid dealing with complicated emotions that she doesn't have the tools to handle, and that Henry is definitely more socially acceptable or normal in comparison to Eliza, but that hasn't helped him maintain relationships because he's too critical and hyperanalytical to live in the moment. Plus, the show is funny, and I think the music choice is great-- a little too modern or of the moment for some, but I think that's the point, and the music definitely carries through the emotions well.

You may know Karen Gillan from her time on Doctor Who as Amy Pond, or more recently, as Gamorra's blue sister Nebula in Guardians of the Galaxy, but let me tell you, this role is a huge departure from either. It's kind of off-putting, especially towards the beginning when she's speaking like Buzzfeed times a thousand, but it definitely gets better throughout the episode-- besides, the point is supposed to be that she starts off as spectacularly annoying and vapid.

John Cho is a great actor, and getting cast as the male lead is a really huge deal. Think about the last time you saw an Asian male lead, who wasn't a friendly side-kick, or a kung fu expert, or a mystic, or a sexless punchline? When was the last time you saw an Asian male play a complicated character on network television, and not be forced to play second fiddle to a main white-guy protagonist? It's been ages (actually it's quite literally been forever). The show is not oblivious to race either, and actually had a funny moment, even within just the first episode, that managed to satirize racial issues in the workplace. It was really funny, while also pointing out how messed up people can be about cultural differences and race. I am so excited for this next step in TV. Kerry Washington is leading Scandal, which I don't watch, but has opened the door for complicated, bad-ass black female heroines who aren't side stories. Last year we saw Sleepy Hollow follow suit, casting Nicole Beharie to partner up with the legendary Ichabod Crane (I wrote a review about this show earlier, but to be frank I've grown less impressed with the show since, mostly due to awkward pacing and a confusing overarching plot) and now this season we're going to see Viola Davis kicking ass and taking names as a terrifying, genius law professor in How to Get Away With Murder. I doubt that networks will rush to cast more Asian males for leading roles as quickly as they were able to do for Black women-- Asians haven't come as far nor built as deep a history in Western film as Black women-- but I know this is a huge step. Compared to ten years ago, I see way more Asian kids on children's shows, and I'm hoping as this new crop of young Asian actors comes into adulthood, more of them pursue it and follow in John Cho's foot steps. The better representation we see in the media, the better we will be recognized as complicated, diverse people, rather than flimsy stereotypes.

Overall though, I have to say I'm really excited for this show. I like how it's exploring the idea of "the self" both in terms of how we see ourselves and how others see us. It's contemplating narcissism in the modern context-- are we really self-obsessed, or is it just that we're clinging to the things that seem most true and certain to us in a complicated and scary world? It's funny, it's smart in a pop-culture sort of way, and it's sweet in it's own, sometimes awkward, spontaneously rhyming sort of way (which as far as I can tell is a smart little nod at the show's roots in the musical My Fair Lady).

Harper's Rating: 4.8/5
Pros:
Actually takes a look at what is a huge part of modern life
John Cho as a leading man is awesome on a lot of levels
Karen Gillan is beautiful and can be both astoundingly, disgustingly shallow, and very sympathetic.
The costuming on this show makes me SO HAPPY
Marketing guy to the rescue!
The music in this show is well done
Rhyming!
Well-written
Good chemistry
Great, clever reimagining of an already awesome story
Cons:
It's early, so things could go wrong-- I hope not though
The Bad Romance bit was certainly realistic, but a little awkward to watch
There are a couple continuity things that bug me like Henry's door not getting closed
Eliza's drivel early on is kind of hard to suffer through, but that's the point



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ModCloth Sale!

ModCloth is having a sale through Friday and it is very exciting-- up to 70% off of super cute items! Personally, this Fall, I'm really looking forward to mixing some cute fall skirts into my wardrobe. Despite the fact that Fall is my absolute favorite season, I somehow suck at dressing for it. I really love skirts, but I've got a long torso and short, thick legs, which means I've gotta be strategic about skirt length. Here are my picks (there are hundreds of items) from the sale!


right to left, top to bottom

The sale ends Friday, so order your lovely sale items soon!

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harperhoney on tumblr!

Happy Monday, everyone! I interrupt your lattes and bagels to tell you that there is now a harperhoney tumblr, updates with images, quotes, etc. to make you happy, make you laugh, and make you think.



Feel free to browse and follow.

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Weekend Links 09.12.2014



School is finally kicking into gear. This week I was made mommy of my marketing project group (this is not unusual?) and my Personality Research partner and I have a pretty baller concept for our study. I took a marketing strategy exam and I rather think I did well (apart from one part of a four part question that I know I missed). In voice acting we talked about anatomy (I'm a bit of a dork for anatomy) so that was exciting too! I'm taking a short trip home to grab my sweaters before midterms make it impossible to do so, and then I'm returning for a super productive weekend! It's been a super sleepy week thanks to the ridiculous humidity, but soon the crisp air of fall will be upon us. At least, I hope so, because DAMN I want it to be October right now so I can start watching Hocus Pocus on repeat and singing This Is Halloween from The Nightmare Before Christmas at the top of my lungs.

The complete guide to taking effective notes at work.

A writer lays down the complicated reality that victims of abuse live in, and how tired she is of living in it. Here's a great quote:
We demonstrate so little empathy or kindness for women in abusive relationships. We don't want to hear real stories about what it's like endure such relationships. We don't want to hear how love and fear and pride and shame shape the decisions we make in abusive relationships. We don't want to hear the truth because it is too complicated. We leave these women with nowhere to go. We force them into silence and invisibility unless they make the choices we want them to make.
In a perfect world, yes, a woman should leave an abusive relationship. She should have the emotional, physical, and financial means to do so. She should be supported by law enforcement and the justice system. She should receive counseling and emotional support. She should be given safe passage to a new life. The perfect world is made up of so much should.
This chrome extension changes the word "Millennial" into "pesky whipper-snapper."

People are helping Emily Sulkowicz, the woman carrying around the mattress she was raped on around campus until her attacker leaves, carry her literal and metaphoric burden. And it's goddamn beautiful.


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Extrovert to Introvert: The draining divide between me and the Quiet Ones


Whenever I take personality inventories, I always rank high in Extraversion. I'm a very talkative person, and I process much of the world externally. I think that the world has gotten into the habit of saying extroverts have a social advantage over introverts, but I don't think that's true at all. When things bounce around in my head, I typically have to talk through them in order to get them to settle-- this sometimes leads to my repeating stories to people over and over. I'm loud, open-book, and I'm very upfront about myself which in many cases is good, but in others is extremely inappropriate. I'm even confrontational about... well, most anything. In addition to all of that, my relationships with introverts can get kind of messy, because a lot gets lost in translation between what an introvert thinks they are expressing to me, and what I actually understand. And vice versa.

This post is actually being spurred at the request of a fellow blogger, Lizzie from October June, who thought I should expand on some thoughts I shared on twitter, because she usually hears about introverts complaining about the difficulty of maintaining relationships with extroverts.



Back in August I had a dream I had a huge fight with one of my introverted friends about the fact that I was exhausted with our friendship. I was constantly trying to text her or talk to her or make plans to hang out, to which she would either not reply (often because she was trying to craft the exact right response, then ran out of time to do so at the moment because real life was happening, then she forgot and never responded), give me a non-commital response like "that sounds cool" or "okay", or just generally not be down for whatever reason, usually something vague and borderline dismissive like "I'm in the middle of something" or "I'm busy." It's hard for someone like me to constantly get sloughed off like that from someone I actually want to make time for.

On top of being an extrovert, I hate people. Not in a "all humanity will burn" sort of way, but I really hate the normal social situations that people my age tend to put themselves in. I hate parties. I hate bars. I hate being around people who assume we are tight when we are not, typically predicating this notion on the fact that we are the same age and that we probably both like beer (nope) or that maybe I might be interested in hooking up with them (also nope). I hate social interactions built off of insincerity-- or more colloquially, bullshit-- so I don't like most large social gatherings. You typically don't imagine an extrovert to be so anti-social by the standards of their peers. This all goes to say that I love my friends dearly and choose them carefully, for they are of a sweet and darling few whom I actually enjoy spending time with. 

As an extrovert, I'm very affectionate with my friends. I love writing them letters, sending them texts, hugging them, and even smooshing their adorable faces whenever I see them. With introverts, these things are not often reciprocated, and that's kind of exhausting. I'm constantly trapeze-ing myself into interactions with people I care about, and it's draining to put myself forward like that and know that not only is there no guarantee that the other person will catch me, but that they are likely still on the opposite platform and the best they can do is give me a thumbs up. 

Granted, I know which of my friends are introverts, and as such, I understand that smaller gestures are a big deal for them. I'm really touched when one of my introverted friends tells me they are having fun with me, because most of the time, they won't tell me-- they'll just expect me to understand that by the subtle way the telegraph their feelings-- so when they actually tell me they are having a great time (without my asking), that means that they are either having such a great time that they needed to verbalize it or that they are really trying hard to bridge that gap between how they see the world and how I see the world-- and that means a lot. Even though I study psychology and personality, and I know, intellectually, the components that make up the different lenses through which we see the world, I can't fully bridge that gap by myself. 

And this gap can be a minefield, because as I tweeted half a month ago, to me, an introvert that cares about me often looks like an introvert that doesn't care about me at all. Behavior that is pretty normal for my introverted friends is typically almost exactly what I would do if I was avoiding someone. For example, with many of my introverted friends, I have to text them first. I always have to initiate conversations for them to talk to me. For the most part, I'm used to this. I'm the girl whose family makes jokes about how talkative she was from the first moment she could speak, my first word being the bi-syllabic "hello" as if I was itching to begin introducing myself to the world. (My father also jokes that this was the result of my mother always being on the phone.) But on the other hand, there is only so long I can go before I start to question whether or not one of my introverted friends actually wants to talk to me. As an extrovert, I regularly worry about whether or not I am unwittingly trampling through someone else's garden. I begin to doubt whether or not I am wanted, or whether or not my presence is ruining someone else's peace. I have been called too loud, too talkative, and too brazen so often that it is not uncommon for me to worry that I am being myself at the expense of others. In which case, the best solution is to remove myself from those others.

I tend to be a very polarizing person. People typically love me or hate me, as the traits some people find totally charming (my silliness, my whimsy, my staunch sociopolitical leanings) are the same ones that piss other people off to no end. I don't like to waste my lifetime on people who don't appreciate me. The problem is, introverts are nowhere near as upfront about this as extroverts are, so sometimes I waste emotional energy trying to connect with people who really don't want to connect with me. This is a lose-lose situation. I wish people who disliked me were just generally more up front with me about not wanting me around, because quite frankly, ain't nobody got time for that. My self-esteem and self worth are not dependent upon being liked by everyone, nor do I believe the world is made up of the good people who like me and the bad people who don't. There are awesome, amazing people who don't like me and there are really terrible people who do (that is yet another awkward situation that I may expand upon in a future post). All that said, I wish the introverted people in my life understood that about me and were more upfront about their feelings-- I almost always am, unless making my feelings known would make the situations worse, rather than better. (For example, with group projects, in which case, there is no extricating yourself from the situation.)

Then again, it's selfish of me to want people to express themselves in the way I see fit. Heaven knows that in total, about zero attempts to make me a quieter, "nicer," "more pleasant young lady" have paid off. And I often find that I do not have the tools to decode my introverted friends the way I wish I could. I wish I could appreciate simple coexistence with them the way they do with me. I wish long lulls in conversation didn't feel as heavy to me-- and sometimes they don't, and when that happens I realize I've reached a deeper, uncommon level of connection with someone, but I rarely get there with anyone. How is it fair to ask my friends to bridge a gap that I can't?

But then again, maybe I can be selfish in this respect. My relationships weigh heavily on my happiness and well-being-- as is the case for most humans. At a certain point, I need to evaluate my relationships based on how good they are for my well-being. Freshman year, a similarly extroverted and affectionate friend and I caught up after we began attending different universities and she and I both discussed how we had each formed a deep friendship with someone at our new schools too quickly, and it ultimately resulted in our being emotionally burned out, hurt, and resentful of our new friends. The girls that we had befriended simply could not reciprocate the amount of platonic affection and outward caring that we were so willing to bestow. It wasn't their fault, of course. It's just the way it was.

My friend and I each learned, at different colleges, that as well-intentioned as everyone might be, we couldn't be so reckless in choosing our friends and how much of ourselves we shared with them. We simply couldn't expect everyone to be able to give as much as we were. We realized our wells of caring run very deep, but we cannot empty them into those who will not, in turn, be able to replenish us. Just as I try to be understanding of my introverted friends' need for space, silence, and an understanding of their quieter expression, I need them to understand that at times, their distance and silence feel like rejection, their lack of messages says they have become bored of my company, and the openness I have towards most people does not mean that my attempts to communicate with them are trivial or meaningless to me. In actuality, because they are so introverted, my attempts at interaction are more deliberate, because I know I might set myself up for another unanswered text and yet I persist. I am reaching across a much more intimidating divide to a friend on the other side who might not be able to reach back, still hopeful that today will be one of those days when they are up for conversation. 

I am of the opinion that you should love everything you can as deeply as you can. Maybe it's my extraversion talking, but I think that there is so much happiness lost in words unspoken. And that's why it's harder for me to be friends with people who exist in so many unspoken words, and whose subtle gestures are lost in the tumult of the raucous world I live in. Still though, I love my friends deeply, and for as long as I can, I will continue to try to hold them close, even when it is daunting and even demoralizing to try to do so.

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Weekend Links 09.04.2014


This week has been school school school! I'm running around and getting stuff done, and it feels good. The humidity is definitely taking its toll on me though-- it makes me super sleepy. Sometimes I'll go to bed at 8pm because the humidity has sucked the life out of me! Still though, things are at a slow enough pace that I'm on top of it all. Here are some links for the weekend!

Kate Gabrielle from Scathingly Brilliant wrote a letter to the fashion industry, and I really love it.

GirlsDressingCuteForWork-- a fashion blog after my own heart. Body inclusive, and it's got "employee of the month" spotlights about fashion, career, and being a badass lady.

71 weight loss tips that are actually helpful and not crazy. Maybe some of them will stick-- there are 71 after all.

Just put in a year and get sweet, sweet jams from thenostalgiamachine.com.

How to deal with extreme emotions-- complete with cute graphics and handy coping mechanisms.


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September To Dos


Fall is almost upon us! FALL IS MY FAVORITE SEASON SO I AM REALLY DAMN EXCITED RIGHT NOW OKAY?? Seriously, the best stuff happens in Fall: Halloween, fall foliage, Black Friday, Thanksgiving, sweater weather... the list goes on. If you asked my father, he'd probably also throw in his birth and his marriage to my mother (facetiously in that order). My least favorite thing about fall? Everyone suddenly gets stupidly obsessed with pumpkin spice like it's the new Jesus or something (and I mean, people are STILL talking about that guy). (I kid, I kid.) I think in the next few years apple cinnamon is gonna make a big comeback though. That's just me, I don't really care for either.

Anyway, here are your september to-dos!

Watch a foreign film. I think we tend to get stuck on how American entertainment media moves, and it can be really refreshing and fun to check out a movie made outside the US. You can go the critically-acclaimed route and watch something like Amelie, a whimsical French film that's a favorite of mine, or go totally crazy goofy with something like Dostana, a Bollywood romantic comedy.

Reinforce the buttons on your favorite coat and buy some nice socks. It's the little things that can really brighten a day. I really like taking the time to stitch up all the buttons on my coats, making sure they'll hold all fall and winter. I hate losing buttons! I also try to buy one really sturdy pair of socks (I like bamboo fibers best) that are super comfortable and supportive, and one cutesy pair of socks with a silly design on them. It seems silly but new socks are exciting to me for some reason.

Start thinking about your Halloween costume. I am such a total dork for Halloween. I get really into it and usually throw together my own costume, so I try to start getting stuff together around September. Midterms start rolling in during October, so if I wait til then I'm usually unhappy with the results. This year, I kind of want to do a little group thing as the Heathers (+ Veronica?) from Heathers The Musical. I mean, the movie costumes were great and everything, but the creative team for the Musical modernized the silhouettes so they make much cuter outfits now.

What are your favorite (and least favorite) things about fall? And what are you thinking about being for Halloween?

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